i already hear my dad disowning me
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
