I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
