I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
