Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
