I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
