I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
