that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
