remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
