dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
