I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
