is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
