I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
