We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We were destined to go to rehab together
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
