i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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