Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
