Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
