I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
