The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
