there's paper in my vomit.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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