let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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