We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
