Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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