My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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