I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
