He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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