They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
