I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think I am morally bankrupt
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
