Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
