he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
