Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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