He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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