hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
