So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
