highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
