i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Randomize
