i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Help. Why am I so naked?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
