whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
