So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
