dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
