OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
