You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
