y did u give ur computer a hand job?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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