Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
