My friends, they love my intelligence
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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