When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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