John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
