I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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