I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
