is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
