He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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