some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
