the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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