She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
